Some select questions & answers from various interviews conducted over the years.
Tell us about yourself, Elias Zapple and how many books you have written.
My name is Elias Zapple, children’s author of the Duke & Michel series of books, well-known moustache model and champion cabbage grower and these are not the only interesting facts about me. I am of average height, above average weight, (though I assure you that my many muscles are purely on an extended holiday), and with superior yet underrated looks. I enjoy sipping cabbage soup, growing cabbages and am extremely fond of admiring myself in the reflection of car windows as the wind races through my hair.
What is the name of your latest book and what inspired it?
The latest book is the first book as the second book is shy, though it has promised to release itself from its room sometime around lunch, just before Christmas.
The first book, Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor, (which is available everywhere… on Amazon), was inspired when one night, as I slept in my four-poster bed, I was rudely awoken by some strange barking. I rushed downstairs to the parlour to see an adorable Basset Hound staring at me with those sad, puppy-dog eyes. He opened his mouth and said nothing because he’s a dog and cannot speak, not like us tulips. However, it got me thinking. What if he could speak, what would he say? I went back to sleep, after having kicked the Basset Hound out of the house, and the entire book of Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor came to me, page by page, word by word.
Book 1: Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor – released
Book 2: Duke & Michel: The King Tingaling Painting – reluctant to be released
Book 3: Duke & Michel: The Return of the Nibbles – stuck in my brain
Do you have any unusual writing habits?
Just before I scribble out a word, I have a compulsion, a ritual if you will, of taking one of my cabbages and hurling them at my neighbour, Dieter just as he goes out into his garden to feed his rabbits.
Aside from that, I do not really have any unusual habits. Maybe I am just a bit of an ordinary, boring, run-of-the-mill, New York Times best-selling author as all I really need to write is a mug of herbal tea, paper and a little needle in which to prick my index finger.
What are you working on now?
Currently, I’m working on perfecting a new style for my moustache. When not waxing and styling Mr Snazzy, the name of my moustache, I am attempting to put up a new tent on a hill outside of Maputo, Mozambique.
Away from that busy schedule, and if the hypnotherapy works, I shall be working on Duke & Michel: The Return of the Nibbles.
What is your best method or website when it comes to promoting your books?
I always find that moustachesoftheworld.com is a wonderful website in which to promote yourself. As for books, I do enjoy Twitter. Interacting with fans and exchanging cabbage-growing tips is wonderful.
Do you have any advice for new authors?
Consider plumbing as a new profession. If you do insist on persisting with this writing lark, avoid entering children’s literature as this is my domain and I shan’t hesitate in hurling cabbages at you.
What are you reading now?
‘How to Put Up a Tent’ by R.P. Baden.
‘Get the Most Out of Your Pet Slug’ by Slim Y. Roach
‘Cabbages – The Wonderful World of…’ by Mya Sprouts
I am a voracious reader, as you can see, and am often going through books quicker than I go through pet slugs. So much so, that I have had to organise quite a number of book burnings.
What’s next for you as a writer?
I have been selected to co-author the encyclopaedia to combing moustaches. Before that begins however, I shall attempt to continue book 3 of the Duke & Michel saga, ‘The Return of the Nibbles’.
What is your favorite book of all time?
Peter Ustinov’s ‘Monsieur Rene’.
My name is Elias Zapple, children’s author of the Duke & Michel series of books, well-known moustache model and champion cabbage grower and these are not the only interesting facts about me. I am of average height, above average weight, (though I assure you that my many muscles are purely on an extended holiday), and with superior yet underrated looks. I enjoy sipping cabbage soup, growing cabbages and am extremely fond of admiring myself in the reflection of car windows as the wind races through my hair.
What is the name of your latest book and what inspired it?
The latest book is the first book as the second book is shy, though it has promised to release itself from its room sometime around lunch, just before Christmas.
The first book, Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor, (which is available everywhere… on Amazon), was inspired when one night, as I slept in my four-poster bed, I was rudely awoken by some strange barking. I rushed downstairs to the parlour to see an adorable Basset Hound staring at me with those sad, puppy-dog eyes. He opened his mouth and said nothing because he’s a dog and cannot speak, not like us tulips. However, it got me thinking. What if he could speak, what would he say? I went back to sleep, after having kicked the Basset Hound out of the house, and the entire book of Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor came to me, page by page, word by word.
Book 1: Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor – released
Book 2: Duke & Michel: The King Tingaling Painting – reluctant to be released
Book 3: Duke & Michel: The Return of the Nibbles – stuck in my brain
Do you have any unusual writing habits?
Just before I scribble out a word, I have a compulsion, a ritual if you will, of taking one of my cabbages and hurling them at my neighbour, Dieter just as he goes out into his garden to feed his rabbits.
Aside from that, I do not really have any unusual habits. Maybe I am just a bit of an ordinary, boring, run-of-the-mill, New York Times best-selling author as all I really need to write is a mug of herbal tea, paper and a little needle in which to prick my index finger.
What are you working on now?
Currently, I’m working on perfecting a new style for my moustache. When not waxing and styling Mr Snazzy, the name of my moustache, I am attempting to put up a new tent on a hill outside of Maputo, Mozambique.
Away from that busy schedule, and if the hypnotherapy works, I shall be working on Duke & Michel: The Return of the Nibbles.
What is your best method or website when it comes to promoting your books?
I always find that moustachesoftheworld.com is a wonderful website in which to promote yourself. As for books, I do enjoy Twitter. Interacting with fans and exchanging cabbage-growing tips is wonderful.
Do you have any advice for new authors?
Consider plumbing as a new profession. If you do insist on persisting with this writing lark, avoid entering children’s literature as this is my domain and I shan’t hesitate in hurling cabbages at you.
What are you reading now?
‘How to Put Up a Tent’ by R.P. Baden.
‘Get the Most Out of Your Pet Slug’ by Slim Y. Roach
‘Cabbages – The Wonderful World of…’ by Mya Sprouts
I am a voracious reader, as you can see, and am often going through books quicker than I go through pet slugs. So much so, that I have had to organise quite a number of book burnings.
What’s next for you as a writer?
I have been selected to co-author the encyclopaedia to combing moustaches. Before that begins however, I shall attempt to continue book 3 of the Duke & Michel saga, ‘The Return of the Nibbles’.
What is your favorite book of all time?
Peter Ustinov’s ‘Monsieur Rene’.
Elias Zapple, What was the working title of Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor?
The working title was ‘A Good Guy, a Bad Guy, a Bad Good Guy and an Idiot’ but then I decided that was too much of a mouthful and changed it to the much shorter, ‘Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor’.
Do you write under a pen name?
I had planned on using Bic as my pen name. However, my legal advisors have assured me that this name is trademarked therefore I have used my birth name, Elias Zapple.
Where did the idea come from for Duke & Michel?
Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor, (which is available everywhere... on Amazon), was inspired when one night, as I slept in my four-poster bed, I was rudely awoken by some strange barking. I rushed downstairs to the parlour to see an adorable Basset Hound staring at me with those sad, puppy-dog eyes. He opened his mouth and said nothing because he's a dog and cannot speak, not like us tulips. However, it got me thinking. What if he could speak, what would he say? I went back to sleep, after having kicked the Basset Hound out of the house, and the entire book of Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor came to me, page by page, word by word.
What genre does Duke & Michel fall under?
Children’s fiction, children’s adventure, children’s fantasy and children’s humour… something with children.
Do you have other published works?
Yes, yes I do. Aside from a little known book called ‘Cabbages, Moustaches and Other Things You Don’t Care About’, copies of which can now be found propping up a wall in my basement, I have written and published a short children’s story called ‘Jellybean the Dragon’. Best of all, it’s free, forever!
http://www.eliaszapple.com/jellybean-the-dragon.html
Which actors would you choose to play your characters from Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor in a movie rendition?
Naturally, the world-famous Brownie the Basset Hound should play the pompous, sarcastic Duke. He would be perfect, though I heard he’s a bit of a prima-donna and would command a quite astronomical fee. Otherwise, Laurence Olivier would make a great, evil Master and Peter Sellers would be superb as the idiotic Mr Flagstad. If only there was a way to resurrect them. As for the character of Michel, child Tony Hawk would make my moustache very happy.
What is the one or two-sentence synopsis of Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor?
A skateboard-loving kid finds himself in an alternate reality, having to do battle with an evil villain in order to rescue his snotty little cousin.
How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript for Duke & Michel?
45 years. Luckily I have great anti-ageing cream.
What other books or authors would you compare this story to within your genre?
It is unlike anything in this world, ever!
Who or What inspired you to write this book?
My favourite pet slug, Steve. My faithful companion, attentive listener to my woes, avid reader of my prose and unfortunate victim of a fatal lawnmower accident. He inspires me everyday and in every way. His last words to me were, "Elias, write that children's book, 'Duke & Michel', it'll be a huge success and children everywhere will love it. Also, please eat the lettuce in the fridge before it goes bad."
My book is dedicated to him.
What else about your book, Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor might pique the reader’s interest?
It doesn’t come with free popcorn.
Are there any writing-related websites you have found beneficial in your writing?
Moustachesoftheworld.com was very beneficial for my moustache and what benefits my moustache benefits my writing.
The working title was ‘A Good Guy, a Bad Guy, a Bad Good Guy and an Idiot’ but then I decided that was too much of a mouthful and changed it to the much shorter, ‘Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor’.
Do you write under a pen name?
I had planned on using Bic as my pen name. However, my legal advisors have assured me that this name is trademarked therefore I have used my birth name, Elias Zapple.
Where did the idea come from for Duke & Michel?
Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor, (which is available everywhere... on Amazon), was inspired when one night, as I slept in my four-poster bed, I was rudely awoken by some strange barking. I rushed downstairs to the parlour to see an adorable Basset Hound staring at me with those sad, puppy-dog eyes. He opened his mouth and said nothing because he's a dog and cannot speak, not like us tulips. However, it got me thinking. What if he could speak, what would he say? I went back to sleep, after having kicked the Basset Hound out of the house, and the entire book of Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor came to me, page by page, word by word.
What genre does Duke & Michel fall under?
Children’s fiction, children’s adventure, children’s fantasy and children’s humour… something with children.
Do you have other published works?
Yes, yes I do. Aside from a little known book called ‘Cabbages, Moustaches and Other Things You Don’t Care About’, copies of which can now be found propping up a wall in my basement, I have written and published a short children’s story called ‘Jellybean the Dragon’. Best of all, it’s free, forever!
http://www.eliaszapple.com/jellybean-the-dragon.html
Which actors would you choose to play your characters from Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor in a movie rendition?
Naturally, the world-famous Brownie the Basset Hound should play the pompous, sarcastic Duke. He would be perfect, though I heard he’s a bit of a prima-donna and would command a quite astronomical fee. Otherwise, Laurence Olivier would make a great, evil Master and Peter Sellers would be superb as the idiotic Mr Flagstad. If only there was a way to resurrect them. As for the character of Michel, child Tony Hawk would make my moustache very happy.
What is the one or two-sentence synopsis of Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor?
A skateboard-loving kid finds himself in an alternate reality, having to do battle with an evil villain in order to rescue his snotty little cousin.
How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript for Duke & Michel?
45 years. Luckily I have great anti-ageing cream.
What other books or authors would you compare this story to within your genre?
It is unlike anything in this world, ever!
Who or What inspired you to write this book?
My favourite pet slug, Steve. My faithful companion, attentive listener to my woes, avid reader of my prose and unfortunate victim of a fatal lawnmower accident. He inspires me everyday and in every way. His last words to me were, "Elias, write that children's book, 'Duke & Michel', it'll be a huge success and children everywhere will love it. Also, please eat the lettuce in the fridge before it goes bad."
My book is dedicated to him.
What else about your book, Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor might pique the reader’s interest?
It doesn’t come with free popcorn.
Are there any writing-related websites you have found beneficial in your writing?
Moustachesoftheworld.com was very beneficial for my moustache and what benefits my moustache benefits my writing.
Elias Zapple, you have a very ‘out there’ sense of humor. Where did you get that from?
I got it from out there. Seriously. One night I was fast asleep in my tent upon a hill outside of Maputo when some repulsive aliens came down in their spaceship, woke me up and took me away. Whilst in outer space, they injected me with some strange, green, luminous liquid. I’ve been this way ever since and, I must say, I feel and look fantastic and occasionally have a warm green, luminous glow.
What inspired you to write children’s fiction and why?
A little orphan child, I forget his name – let’s call him Derek, came to my door one day at my house in Camberwell. I opened the door and looked down upon him as he smiled up at me. He had chocolate smeared around his mouth, snot flowing down from his nose and then, for some reason, proceeded to hold out his grimy hands. Disgusted, I slammed the door on him and made it my mission to write gripping children’s fiction so that they’d be sufficiently entertained to never bother me again.
How would you describe Duke & Michel?
I would describe Duke & Michel as a dog and a boy. Duke would argue he’s not just a dog he’s a Basset Hound. He’s a dog. A sarcastic one.
How long have you been writing and what is your writing process like?
I started writing on the 9th June 1870 whilst taking a break from my job as a chimney sweep. So I make that around 70 years, though my memory isn’t so good due to all those toxic fumes I inhaled. Fortunately, I was a test subject for L’Oréal and I haven’t developed one noticeable wrinkle.
My writing process consists of me first combing my moustache. This is absolutely vital. Then I stick the kettle on and make a nice cuppa before I retire to my study, get comfy in my orthopaedic chair and prick my finger with a little needle and get scribbling. The ideas just stream out, as does the blood, which means I soon lose consciousness. When I awake, I start the whole process again. I normally write about one sentence per week.
How do you stay positive?
Hurling cabbages at my neighbour Dieter always gives me a lift. That and admiring myself in the mirror every ten minutes.
What are some of the challenges you faced by writing children’s fiction and how did you overcome them?
Some of the challenges I had to face whilst writing children’s fiction were first to scale a very high wall, then scramble my way through a tunnel, avoid being shot at by a very disgruntled German neighbour then find my way to my study without stepping on the many slugs that have for some reason decided my hallway is a suitable place for a convention. I overcame these obstacles with skill, determination, brilliance and lots of moustache wax.
What is a typical day like for you?
It’s good.
Who are your favorite authors and what types of books do you like to read?
Well, Roald Dahl has to be at the very top of favourite authors and has definitely influenced me greatly. In fact he has influenced me almost as much as those fumes I inhaled while I was a Victorian chimney sweep.
I normally enjoy non-fiction on such topics as moustaches, cabbages, the breeding of slugs and the complex issue of Korea and how to unify it.
What would you like parents to know about your books, since they are the ones buying it for their children?
They’re cheap.
What’s next for you? More books?
Prison, most likely if Dieter goes ahead with his threats to press charges. However yes, many more books. Book 2 of Duke & Michel, entitled ‘Duke & Michel: The King Tingaling Painting’ is waiting impatiently to be released while book 3, ‘Duke & Michel: The Return of the Nibbles’ is refusing to leave my brain and so I’m currently undergoing a course of hypnotherapy.
I got it from out there. Seriously. One night I was fast asleep in my tent upon a hill outside of Maputo when some repulsive aliens came down in their spaceship, woke me up and took me away. Whilst in outer space, they injected me with some strange, green, luminous liquid. I’ve been this way ever since and, I must say, I feel and look fantastic and occasionally have a warm green, luminous glow.
What inspired you to write children’s fiction and why?
A little orphan child, I forget his name – let’s call him Derek, came to my door one day at my house in Camberwell. I opened the door and looked down upon him as he smiled up at me. He had chocolate smeared around his mouth, snot flowing down from his nose and then, for some reason, proceeded to hold out his grimy hands. Disgusted, I slammed the door on him and made it my mission to write gripping children’s fiction so that they’d be sufficiently entertained to never bother me again.
How would you describe Duke & Michel?
I would describe Duke & Michel as a dog and a boy. Duke would argue he’s not just a dog he’s a Basset Hound. He’s a dog. A sarcastic one.
How long have you been writing and what is your writing process like?
I started writing on the 9th June 1870 whilst taking a break from my job as a chimney sweep. So I make that around 70 years, though my memory isn’t so good due to all those toxic fumes I inhaled. Fortunately, I was a test subject for L’Oréal and I haven’t developed one noticeable wrinkle.
My writing process consists of me first combing my moustache. This is absolutely vital. Then I stick the kettle on and make a nice cuppa before I retire to my study, get comfy in my orthopaedic chair and prick my finger with a little needle and get scribbling. The ideas just stream out, as does the blood, which means I soon lose consciousness. When I awake, I start the whole process again. I normally write about one sentence per week.
How do you stay positive?
Hurling cabbages at my neighbour Dieter always gives me a lift. That and admiring myself in the mirror every ten minutes.
What are some of the challenges you faced by writing children’s fiction and how did you overcome them?
Some of the challenges I had to face whilst writing children’s fiction were first to scale a very high wall, then scramble my way through a tunnel, avoid being shot at by a very disgruntled German neighbour then find my way to my study without stepping on the many slugs that have for some reason decided my hallway is a suitable place for a convention. I overcame these obstacles with skill, determination, brilliance and lots of moustache wax.
What is a typical day like for you?
It’s good.
Who are your favorite authors and what types of books do you like to read?
Well, Roald Dahl has to be at the very top of favourite authors and has definitely influenced me greatly. In fact he has influenced me almost as much as those fumes I inhaled while I was a Victorian chimney sweep.
I normally enjoy non-fiction on such topics as moustaches, cabbages, the breeding of slugs and the complex issue of Korea and how to unify it.
What would you like parents to know about your books, since they are the ones buying it for their children?
They’re cheap.
What’s next for you? More books?
Prison, most likely if Dieter goes ahead with his threats to press charges. However yes, many more books. Book 2 of Duke & Michel, entitled ‘Duke & Michel: The King Tingaling Painting’ is waiting impatiently to be released while book 3, ‘Duke & Michel: The Return of the Nibbles’ is refusing to leave my brain and so I’m currently undergoing a course of hypnotherapy.
Elias Zapple, what inspires you to write?
My hair often inspires me. When it blows in the wind and I catch my reflection, it’s simply awe-inspiring and I feel utterly compelled to write grandiose literature about it. Quite a lot of my literary work can be found in hairdressers.
However, in all seriousness, my true inspiration is money. Without money I cannot buy the tent of my dreams and peg it down atop of my hill in Mozambique. Therefore, I knuckle down every night and scribble out line after line of hilarity that makes up my Duke & Michel series of books.
Tell us about your writing process.
First, I comb my moustache. This is absolutely vital. Then I stick the kettle on and make a nice cuppa before I retire to my study, get comfy in my orthopaedic chair and prick my finger with a little needle and get scribbling.
Do you listen (or talk to) to your characters?
The voices in my head talk to the characters who then talk to me and tell me exactly what to write. I often ignore them and write what I want. Nobody tells me what to do!
What advice would you give other writers?
1) Become plumbers.
2) Don’t try to become friends with a hungry lion.
How did you decide how to publish your books?
As all my money is going on a fabulous new tent, I am unable to afford to have my book printed and thus was forced to go digital.
What do you think about the future of book publishing?
Haven’t the foggiest but I do know that if it all goes pear-shaped then I shall transport myself back to Victorian London and publish my books there.
My hair often inspires me. When it blows in the wind and I catch my reflection, it’s simply awe-inspiring and I feel utterly compelled to write grandiose literature about it. Quite a lot of my literary work can be found in hairdressers.
However, in all seriousness, my true inspiration is money. Without money I cannot buy the tent of my dreams and peg it down atop of my hill in Mozambique. Therefore, I knuckle down every night and scribble out line after line of hilarity that makes up my Duke & Michel series of books.
Tell us about your writing process.
First, I comb my moustache. This is absolutely vital. Then I stick the kettle on and make a nice cuppa before I retire to my study, get comfy in my orthopaedic chair and prick my finger with a little needle and get scribbling.
Do you listen (or talk to) to your characters?
The voices in my head talk to the characters who then talk to me and tell me exactly what to write. I often ignore them and write what I want. Nobody tells me what to do!
What advice would you give other writers?
1) Become plumbers.
2) Don’t try to become friends with a hungry lion.
How did you decide how to publish your books?
As all my money is going on a fabulous new tent, I am unable to afford to have my book printed and thus was forced to go digital.
What do you think about the future of book publishing?
Haven’t the foggiest but I do know that if it all goes pear-shaped then I shall transport myself back to Victorian London and publish my books there.
What do your fans mean to you, Elias Zapple?
Money. Unfortunately, my book is free so that doesn't apply. I shall now retire to my greenhouse and sob for a few days.
What are you working on next?
My memoirs. However, I suffer from amnesia so this is proving to be a rather difficult task. Therefore I have decided to work on the third book of children's series Duke & Michel, entitled 'Duke & Michel: The Return of the Nibbles'. The first, 'Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor', is available now and the second, 'Duke & Michel: The King Tingaling Painting' is refusing to be published at the moment because it's shy.
Who are your favourite authors?
Roald Dahl and all his works have influenced me greatly as have the fumes I was fortunate enough to inhale when I worked as 19th century Victorian chimney sweep.
When you're not writing, how do you spend your time?
Currently, I'm working on perfecting a new style for my moustache. When not waxing and styling Mr Snazzy, the name of my moustache, I am attempting to put up a new tent on a hill outside of Maputo, Mozambique.
I also spend a considerable amount of time trying to annoy my neighbour, Dieter by hurling cabbages at him.
How do you discover the ebooks you read?
Telepathy.
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
I cannot even remember the last story I wrote. Jelly... something, I think.
What are your five favourite books, and why?
'How to Put Up a Tent' by R.P. Baden because I need to learn how to put up a tent. Duh!
'Get the Most Out of Your Pet Slug' by Slim Y. Roach because otherwise slugs can get lazy.
'Cabbages - The Wonderful World of...' by Mya Sprouts because I love cabbages.
'Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor' because I'm trying to sell more copies.
'Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor' because I'm trying to sell more copies.
Describe your desk
Cluttered, bloody and covered in slugs - the offspring of Steve.
When did you first start writing?
As soon as I first emerged out of a tulip growing in a granny's garden in Camberwell, South London.
What's the story behind Jellybean the Dragon?
A dragon, an astronaut, mangoes and no slugs.
What motivated you to become an indie author?
Bitterness.
Money. Unfortunately, my book is free so that doesn't apply. I shall now retire to my greenhouse and sob for a few days.
What are you working on next?
My memoirs. However, I suffer from amnesia so this is proving to be a rather difficult task. Therefore I have decided to work on the third book of children's series Duke & Michel, entitled 'Duke & Michel: The Return of the Nibbles'. The first, 'Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor', is available now and the second, 'Duke & Michel: The King Tingaling Painting' is refusing to be published at the moment because it's shy.
Who are your favourite authors?
Roald Dahl and all his works have influenced me greatly as have the fumes I was fortunate enough to inhale when I worked as 19th century Victorian chimney sweep.
When you're not writing, how do you spend your time?
Currently, I'm working on perfecting a new style for my moustache. When not waxing and styling Mr Snazzy, the name of my moustache, I am attempting to put up a new tent on a hill outside of Maputo, Mozambique.
I also spend a considerable amount of time trying to annoy my neighbour, Dieter by hurling cabbages at him.
How do you discover the ebooks you read?
Telepathy.
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
I cannot even remember the last story I wrote. Jelly... something, I think.
What are your five favourite books, and why?
'How to Put Up a Tent' by R.P. Baden because I need to learn how to put up a tent. Duh!
'Get the Most Out of Your Pet Slug' by Slim Y. Roach because otherwise slugs can get lazy.
'Cabbages - The Wonderful World of...' by Mya Sprouts because I love cabbages.
'Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor' because I'm trying to sell more copies.
'Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor' because I'm trying to sell more copies.
Describe your desk
Cluttered, bloody and covered in slugs - the offspring of Steve.
When did you first start writing?
As soon as I first emerged out of a tulip growing in a granny's garden in Camberwell, South London.
What's the story behind Jellybean the Dragon?
A dragon, an astronaut, mangoes and no slugs.
What motivated you to become an indie author?
Bitterness.
What's the best and worst thing about being an author, Elias Zapple?
The best thing is undoubtedly the adulation and hero worship of my adoring public. However, it does mean that the occasional worshipper tramples all over my cabbage patch, ruining cabbages I had planned to hurl at my neighbour, Dieter. This is the worse thing, if it wasn't clear.
If you could choose someone famous to record your book in audiobook format, who would you choose as the voice and why?
I would choose Peter Sellers. Unfortunately, he's dead so some kind of seance would be in order followed by a resurrection.
If you could invite one character from your novel to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Naturally, I would choose Duke as he would annoy, insult and anger everybody at this dinner party causing them all to leave early and allow me to be on my own again. I detest dinner parties and social gatherings. This is why I surround my house with cabbages.
Do you have any useful marketing tips for other authors?
Yes, I do. Court one of the head honchos at Amazon and work your way into their affections then get them to promote your book heavily. If they deny you, grow some cabbages and hurl them at that horrible head honcho.
If you worked for a publishing house, what sort of books would you be looking to publish?
Books that were written by Elias Zapple and books that were titled 'Duke & Michel'.
What strategy do you use for getting reviews?
I track down potential reviewers and threaten them with my cabbages. They soon cave in until I've wandered away and then they call the police and try to get me arrested. Luckily, I have nimble feet and am super fast due to the amount of cabbages I eat. You should see me when I run, my hair looks fantastic, blowing in the wind.
Can you remember the moment when you logged into your author account and discovered you had made your first sale?
I cannot remember the exact moment as I was exceedingly intoxicated at the time, however, I do remember the aftermath. Papers were strewn everywhere, books scattered around, windows smashed and bookcases burnt to a crisp. The biggest casualty of my severe elation and subsequent intoxication was my bloody, battered and sliced to pieces pet slug, Steve. Killed by my apparent sudden urge to mow the lawn. Steve still hasn't forgiven me.
What advice would you give to a new author who has just finished writing their first novel and is unsure as to what steps to take next?
First steps to take would be to leave your house for the first time in months and breathe in the fresh, clean, toxic air. Remember, put on plenty of sunscreen as your skin will be pale white and unused to the sun's rays. Next, I would speak to a few people to get your vocal chords working again. After which I would do a massive free promo and give your book away to as many top Amazon reviewers as possible. I can be sensible, if only for a few sec... If they refuse, get ready with the cabbages.
Who do you see as your target audience?
Children, mad people and mad children.
What are you currently reading?
Currently I'm reading the riot act to Cecil, a spider that's hanging from the corner of my ceiling. I keep telling him to stop hanging around but he never listens!
The best thing is undoubtedly the adulation and hero worship of my adoring public. However, it does mean that the occasional worshipper tramples all over my cabbage patch, ruining cabbages I had planned to hurl at my neighbour, Dieter. This is the worse thing, if it wasn't clear.
If you could choose someone famous to record your book in audiobook format, who would you choose as the voice and why?
I would choose Peter Sellers. Unfortunately, he's dead so some kind of seance would be in order followed by a resurrection.
If you could invite one character from your novel to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Naturally, I would choose Duke as he would annoy, insult and anger everybody at this dinner party causing them all to leave early and allow me to be on my own again. I detest dinner parties and social gatherings. This is why I surround my house with cabbages.
Do you have any useful marketing tips for other authors?
Yes, I do. Court one of the head honchos at Amazon and work your way into their affections then get them to promote your book heavily. If they deny you, grow some cabbages and hurl them at that horrible head honcho.
If you worked for a publishing house, what sort of books would you be looking to publish?
Books that were written by Elias Zapple and books that were titled 'Duke & Michel'.
What strategy do you use for getting reviews?
I track down potential reviewers and threaten them with my cabbages. They soon cave in until I've wandered away and then they call the police and try to get me arrested. Luckily, I have nimble feet and am super fast due to the amount of cabbages I eat. You should see me when I run, my hair looks fantastic, blowing in the wind.
Can you remember the moment when you logged into your author account and discovered you had made your first sale?
I cannot remember the exact moment as I was exceedingly intoxicated at the time, however, I do remember the aftermath. Papers were strewn everywhere, books scattered around, windows smashed and bookcases burnt to a crisp. The biggest casualty of my severe elation and subsequent intoxication was my bloody, battered and sliced to pieces pet slug, Steve. Killed by my apparent sudden urge to mow the lawn. Steve still hasn't forgiven me.
What advice would you give to a new author who has just finished writing their first novel and is unsure as to what steps to take next?
First steps to take would be to leave your house for the first time in months and breathe in the fresh, clean, toxic air. Remember, put on plenty of sunscreen as your skin will be pale white and unused to the sun's rays. Next, I would speak to a few people to get your vocal chords working again. After which I would do a massive free promo and give your book away to as many top Amazon reviewers as possible. I can be sensible, if only for a few sec... If they refuse, get ready with the cabbages.
Who do you see as your target audience?
Children, mad people and mad children.
What are you currently reading?
Currently I'm reading the riot act to Cecil, a spider that's hanging from the corner of my ceiling. I keep telling him to stop hanging around but he never listens!
