There is a new fairy
She’s golden and hairy
And lures kids to her lair.
This is not a normal fairy
Oh you must believe,
The fairy’s name is Mary,
And she killed the slug, Steve.
She’s into magic and potions
And Goblins and such,
She’s mixing a new one
That’ll make you speak Dutch.
Come to think of it
This doesn’t seem right,
Let me get back to you
Mary sounds more like a witch
Than she does a fairy,
That would explain
Why her legs are so hairy.
She flies on dragons
Rather than brooms,
They’re under her spell
Cause she feeds ‘em magic mushrooms.
She does have wings
And they work just fine,
But a slug attacked her
And damaged her spine.
Now Mary’s a granny
Dear children take flight,
For if she catches you
You’ll be stew tonight.
“Oh crikey!” said he,
As he went for his tea.
“Oh God!” said she,
As she went to find me.
“Oh my!” said I,
As I saw the mice fly.
“Oh wow!” said he,
As he saw them go free.
“Oh good!” said she,
As she brought out the tea.
“Oh well!” said I,
As I waved goodbye.
King Rat was a bald and rather troubled creature,
His face had warts that was one feature.
His eyesight was poor he had trouble to see,
Something that thankfully doesn’t afflict me.
His ears were big his nose was long,
His backbone was indeed not very strong.
For whenever he faced a problem he always ran,
This was a rather pathetic old man.
It got so bad he ended up alone,
No one to turn to just his mirror to moan.
There was however something else he had,
Lots of money that drove him rather mad.
Mad because he became so insecure,
And for this my friends there is no cure.
His love of money knew no bounds,
He had a nose for it like a hound.
His talent for it was quite startling,
His desire however was disheartening.
For what is money when you have no friends,
No one to be with no reason to spend?
Indeed he shunned those around,
Forcing him to live underground.
And this is where he remains,
Decrepit, alone in much pain.
Sharing his life with Baccarat,
Crystal, clothes an expensive car.
Covering face with a tilted hat,
The unfortunate life of King Rat.
A mother gave birth in 1856,
She was alone and lived out in the sticks.
After a lot of pain and struggle, she gave birth to a boy,
With some deliberation later she called him Roy.
They lived alone in the middle of a wood,
Happy and content doing the best they could.
Roy grew up to be a fine young man,
Working a small piece of arable land.
Their small little house and small little land,
Was surrounded by property owned by a rich little man.
He, a silver spoon millionaire, wanted to expand,
So the tyrant he was, forced his hand.
He offered them pittance to give up all they had,
Or, he warned them, if he wanted he could be very bad.
Even with the warning they declined not wishing to sell,
The rich little man paid some men to go and cause hell.
This they did without regret,
Leaving them homeless as she sat by and wept.
The son, who had gone to town,
Found his mother outside, dressed in a torn gown.
Battered and bruised she told him what they’d done,
How they destroyed all they had as if it was fun.
Angry and upset he stormed up to the man’s mansion,
Shouting and screaming, thumping the door with a passion.
The butler opened the door and tried not to let him in,
But Roy was forceful and managed to bypass him.
Seeing the rich little man in the corner, he headed straight for,
Not seeing the police and aristocrats that mingled by the door.
They beat Roy with all they had,
Then tied him up at the back.
The rich little man with the aristocrats and police,
Put a gun to his head and counted to three.
Roy slumped over, blood rushing,
The rich little man said, “Isn’t this touching?”
They carted the body away to his destroyed home,
Where they dumped him by his mother, who was on her own.
The mother collapsed, died, watched on by the rich little man,
Knowing he had got his precious little land.
Surplus rhymes from 'Elias Zapple's Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch' that were sitting, gathering dust and getting mouldy.