Elias Zapple

Lulu the Slug needed a hug
​But I was feeling down so I cooked him.

Have you tried cabbage soup?
Guaranteed it'll make you poop.
Spending all day on the bog,
Passing one too many a log.
Lose your muscle, lose your fat
Cabbage soup will do just that.
watery, green it's nutritious
One thing it's not is delicious.
But it's cheap to make, easy to grow,
It'll help with your digestive flow.
If you need help, please see me
I'm the one that's rather cabbagey.
For many a cabbage I do have,
Then every hour be on your lav.
Very soon you'll love your loo,
As you drop yet another poo.
Cabbage soup is that great,
I should know as I'm never late.
So try my cabbage recipe,
It'll turn your pee green, hee-hee-hee.

Just the other day,
When the sun did shine
And the moon did neigh,
I ground up some cabbage
And a little bit of coffee
Grabbed a piece and chewed some toffee.

Then I drank from the cup
With the splendid mixture
It geed me up to watch the fixture
Sad I became as the fixture drew out
No longer would I sing nor would I shout

The cabbage coffee's power failed to muster
And I ended up feeling a tad lacklustre
So I threw it away and tried again
Adding in a slug for a good omen.

And of course it worked, adding slug always does
If only I'd remembered there'd be less fuss
Cabbage coffee with slug does do the trick
But it also makes me horrendously sick!

Smart Artt is a baby,
that'll help yours grow.
Smart Artt is a baby,
That'll help yours know.
Smart Artt is a baby,
That'll share in the fun.
Smart Artt is a baby,
That wouldn't eat a slug bun.

Smart Artt is a baby,
He isn't a slug.
Smart Artt is a baby,
He isn't slimy to hug.
Smart Artt is a baby,
He wouldn't slime your kitchen,
Smart Artt is a baby
He really is quite fetchin'.

I'm not sure what the last line has to do with slugs.
Pretty sure that Clyde the Slug poisoned one of my mugs.
But the repetitive rhyme had to end,
It was indeed driving me around the bend.

And now i've quite forgotten what this rhyme is about,
I would like to however give Smart Artt a shout.

So Though you're not a slug
Nor throw cabbages at dieter's noggin,
Your contribution was pretty helpful and you really are quite rockin'! 

Mistress Mary, Quite contrary,
How does your moustache grow?
With girls' pigtails, And horrid snails,
And so your 'tache does fail.

Even with your fairy powers,
and your penchant for red meat.
the fluffy thing above your lip,
cannot mr snazzy beat.

so back to your cauldron, mary
for another potion you must try.
hope this one will succeed,
as mr snazzy is not available to buy.

So, this is Christmas
And what have you thrown?
Another cabbage over
And a new one just grown

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have slugs
The slimy and the spicy ones
The old and the young

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy new Snazzy
Let's hope it's a good 'tache
He's always so flashy 

And so this is Christmas
For Dieter and for me
For cauliflowers and cabbages
I'll hit his noggin with glee

And so happy Christmas
For purple and for green
For no other colours
Will satisfy me

A very merry Christmas
And a happy new me
Let's hope you buy my books
Because I need the money

And so this is Christmas
And what have we said?
Read books by Zapple
And throw cabbages with lead

And so this is Christmas
I hope you eat a lot
When a slug has been bad
Just toss it into the pot

A very merry Zapple
I've drunk all the drink
There's no more Noggin Rocker™
My slugs poured it down the sink

War isn't over, Dieter
I don't want it
War isn't over, Dieter
Never

I am slug.
Slug I am.

That slug-I-Am
That slug-I-Am
I do not like
That slug-I-Am

Do you like
Green eggs and slug?

Would you like them
Here or there?

I would like them
Here or there.
I would like them
Anywhere.
I do like
Green eggs and slug.
But I do not like them,
Slug-I-am...

I LOVE GREEN EGGS AND SLUG. GIMME THE SLUG. MUNCH, MUNCH!

Some like gummy bears,
Some do not.
Some say they're good for teeth,
Others say they'll rot.

Well have you tried the gummy slug?
You really need to try.
They're fresh from my garden,
Slimy, sticky - good to fry!

Blah!

Green, slimy and sticky to the touch,
Clever, cunning and able to speak Dutch.
Quiet, agile and lovely to hug,
Loyal, obedient the Elias Zapple slug.