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So, this is Christmas And what have you thrown? Another cabbage over And a new one just grown And so this is Christmas I hope you have slugs The slimy and the spicy ones The old and the young A very Merry Christmas And a happy new Snazzy Let's hope it's a good 'tache He's always so flashy And so this is Christmas For Dieter and for me For cauliflowers and cabbages I'll hit his noggin with glee And so happy Christmas For purple and for green For no other colours Will satisfy me A very merry Christmas And a happy new me Let's hope you buy my books Because I need the money And so this is Christmas And what have we said? Read books by Zapple And throw cabbages with lead And so this is Christmas I hope you eat a lot When a slug has been bad Just toss it into the pot A very merry Zapple I've drunk all the drink There's no more Noggin Rocker™ My slugs poured it down the sink War isn't over, Dieter I don't want it War isn't over, Dieter Never
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Elias Zapple’s retelling of Charles Dickens’ Christmas fable tells the story of Elias Zapple, a man with a wealth of cabbages to match the coldness of his heart. On a mystical Christmas Eve, he’s visited by three ghost slugs forcing Zapple to make a choice: change, or become worm food.
FREE TODAY & TOMORROW http://smarturl.it/CarolSlimed Elias Zapple’s retelling of Charles Dickens’ Christmas fable tells the story of Elias Zapple, a man with a wealth of cabbages to match the coldness of his heart. On a mystical Christmas Eve, he’s visited by three ghost slugs forcing Zapple to make a choice: change, or become worm food. 
Nine year-old Florin is a thirsty vampire. The reason? Most of his blood has been sucked out by his friend, Nicu. Florin rampages through the town of Biertan, drinking as much blood as he can. Soon everyone in Biertan is low on blood, and seeking revenge on all vampires. Nicu faces a big challenge. Keeping Florin in check and stopping the angry townspeople from killing vampires.
OUT NOW! The third and the latest instalment of Nicu - The Littlest Vampire will be released imminently. Watch this space or that space or any space where you'll be notified that Nicu - The Littlest Vampire in 'Blood, Blood Everywhere' has been released. It's bloody, it's got vampires, it's got jokes - it has everything you've come to expect from my moustache and I.
Jellybean the Dragon has been dragonnapped (like kidnapped but for dragons) by the dragon-hating knights from Camelot and it’s up to 10 year-old astronaut Emma, and Cyril the Dragon, Jellybean’s dim-witted twin brother, to rescue him. Rescuing Jellybean proves tough and she’ll need all her courage and smarts as she, Cyril and Merlin battle the evil Lancelot and Merlin’s bratty protégé, Berlin. 
In a few days, or a couple of days or one day in the immediate future there'll be another new book and this'll not just be any ordinary book. This new book is the sequel to the highly acclaimed Jellybean the Dragon - one of my slugs' most popular books. And the title of this sequel? Cyril the Dragon. Keep your eyes and feelers glued and ready. Meet my heroic slugs: Steve the Slug, General Fairfax the Slug, Gino the Slug, Akira the Ninja Slug, Selina the Slug and many, many more. They’re my best friends, my loyal servants, my fearless soldiers and my only source of protein. Slugs are useful, skilful, colourful and edible and will cover you in sticky slime if you offend my moustache, Mr Snazzy! Full of cool slug facts and utter Zappleness! 
Brave little Nicu, a 9 year-old vampire, has finally gotten his fangs! Sweet! The bad news is that his mean and spiteful elder brother Adam has convinced Nicu that his new fangs are way too small. To get fangs as big as Adam's, Nicu must drink the blood of a humongous and scary ogre with really tough, hard to puncture skin. Oh, and the ogre just hates vampires!  Here it is, my loyal slugs, fresh from the slug-ustrator - the brand spanking new cover for Elias Zapple's Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch: 
Slugging its way to you in the next month or so will be four new books that are sure to delight, disgust, frighten and make you crack a rib from laughter. They are Cyril the Dragon (sequel to Jellybean the Dragon), Elias Zapple's Book of Slugs, Nicu - The Littlest Vampire in 'Big Fangs' and finally, Nicu - The Littlest Vampire in 'Blood, Blood Everywhere'. Keep checking this website for more details or my slugs will come round and slime your kitchen. It's Halloween and it's time to dress up and scare Dieter. My slugs and I love Halloween, as we busy ourselves with making costumes, apple dunking, carving pumpkins (though we use cabbages) and then throwing them at Dieter's noggin. This year some of my slugs are dressing up as snails, which has already given quite a few slugs heart attacks. Seeing them in their shells is rather frightening. What will you be doing for Halloween? Which costume will you wear? May I recommend a vampire costume and dress up like Nicu - The Littlest Vampire. It would be 'fang-tastic'. Enjoyed reading Jellybean the Dragon? Have no idea what Jellybean the Dragon is? Fancy some toasted slug? Then get your FREE Jellybean the Dragon audiobook by telling me the name of your favourite dragon. That's all! http://ow.ly/DoWpe Now available as an audiobook, I'm giving away a free copy if you leave me a message and tell me the name of one of my slugs. That's it! Get your audiobook now! |
Elias ZappleIn Maputo I am known for my love of tinned tuna. Archives
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