How to maintain a moustache
Moustaches are much like bonsai trees. They need constant love and attention or they will wither away and die, or become a very unhappy moustache. I spend hours everyday grooming my beast and maintaining its shine, gloss and soft-to-the-touch smoothy smoothness that makes other bearded folk gush with envy. It's a difficult job and people often ask why I spend on average a month every year grooming it. To them I say nothing and just hit them with one of my cabbages.
Anyway, here's a video of a fine young chap and his glorious moustache. Not quite as glorious as mine but maybe, just maybe, one day his will improve and be only slight worse than my glorious beast.
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In Maputo I am known for my love of tinned tuna.