Elias Zapple, the next president of...
...The Moustache Society. Yes, my dream has come true. After much politicking, bribery, schmoozing, backslapping and assassinating I was finally elected in the second most hotly contested, controversial and rigged election of the millennium - the first being the U.S. Presidential Election of 2000. I was extremely honoured and overwhelmed to be elected and not the least bit surprised as my moustache is head and shoulders above anyone else's. As President I promised to make sure moustaches become compulsory everywhere and must be grown by all people of both genders of all ages - even babies. From now on, the umbilical cord will be secondary, first will be the shaving of the baby's upper lip. That moustaches be examined regularly and if failing to meet new exacting standards, the moustache holder be whisked away to a local barbers and given an immediate styling. There were many other policies in my manifesto, I've forgotten many of them and I doubt I'll enact the majority as that'll just take away precious time from me and my own moustache, Mr Snazzy. My term will last for five years, though no doubt it'll last much longer as I've threatened all of the electorate with cabbages and if anybody should dare try to stage a coup or assassinate me, as I myself have staged many times, my slugs are prepared. Yay for me! Elias Zapple - President for Life of the Moustache Society.
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In Maputo I am known for my love of tinned tuna.