Well, Slugland was a bit of a waste of time. Not much was achieved there. Yes, I learnt some new cabbage recipes, learnt new techniques in how to breed, modify and train slugs, and acquired some new killer slugs that are deadly by the touch but I felt that I could've achieved much more if I had just stayed home, pricked my finger, thrown cabbages at Dieter and gotten my current crop of slugs to infiltrate Dieter's home and steal all of his tins of soup. Oh well.
O Elias Zapple, you are so great
from the fields that doth bear your name
to the towns that singeth and cryeth for you
for fear of thou which is curly and furry
O Elias Zapple, you are so resplendent
in your dashing Zappleness
your hair in which poetry has been written and
recited through the ages
where many a cabbage been thrown
tossed hither and thither not landing on
but upon noggin of Dieter
O Elias Zapple, emperor of slugmony
ambassador to slugs that doth battle for thou
fight, explode in all the glory that is thine
thee struggle, bleed thickened slush and
bringeth home chocolate frosted cupcakes
O Elias Zapple, wordsmith for ankle-biters
great thou words be, cherished they are under the candyfloss tree
laureate thou shall one day be
bleed thy words on thy paper
goo goo g'joob
Overly concerned citizens often ask me why Dieter and I dislike each other so and why I persist in hurling cabbages at him. Well, much like a hunter may hunt a fox to control the population, I grow an over-abundance of cabbages that need to be gotten rid of. One way I found was to irritate my neighbour by throwing them at him and leave the surplus cabbages on his grounds. During this time I have improved my aim dramatically. But why him? I hear you ask. Well, when Dieter first moved here he had a rather pathetic, minuscule moustache and since witnessing mine has constantly tried to outshine Mr Snazzy. Of course, he never can but he does try and for this, I hate him and will never cease in using his head as target practise and as a way of getting rid of surplus cabbages.
In Maputo I am known for my love of tinned tuna.