Being a children's author of notable works such as Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor, Duke & Michel: The King Tingaling Painting, Jellybean the Dragon and Elias Zapple's Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch as well as a noted slug breeder that commands many a slug of which all do my bidding - whether that be making my tea, fetching my moustache wax or attacking shopping centres, this inactive lifestyle has caused me to have quite the belly. There it sits, hanging over my belt like a big piece of dough. Yes, I should start doing stomach crunches or sit ups or perhaps get my slugs to bounce up and down on it but when one spends as much time as I do sitting down writing incredibly funny children's books, what else can I do? Besides, a belly makes a statement. It says, I am a writer and a creative genius and my belly is testament to that.
It's Christmas time and that means lots of presents, turkey, TV programmes, the Queen and slugs looking forlornly at you wondering where their gifts are. I don't really celebrate Christmas except for roasting a cabbage, throwing a cabbage at noggin of Dieter and giving little cabbages to everybody around me. However, this year I may do something a little different. I may gift a few copies of Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor, its sequel Duke & Michel: The King Tingaling Painting and Jellybean the Dragon to a few unfortunate victims - and if they don't like it then I'll be throwing a lot more cabbages at them. Yes, this is a plug, of sorts, so go out (don't go out it's cold and there's no point as these books are available online! Ah, the wonder of a lazy future!) and get to your nearest bookshop and purchase a copy of the above books. Naturally I can't gift everybody these books otherwise I'd never be able to purchase a cabbage again. These books are funny, wonderful and without a cabbage as far as the eye can see. Maybe this should change. I've quite forgotten what this post was originally meant to be about. Hmm. Ah, yes I don't like Christmas as it's just a time to spend and spend you must on Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor, Jellybean the Dragon and Duke & Michel: The King Tingaling.
In Maputo I am known for my love of tinned tuna.