Being a children's author of notable works such as Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor, Duke & Michel: The King Tingaling Painting, Jellybean the Dragon and Elias Zapple's Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch as well as a noted slug breeder that commands many a slug of which all do my bidding - whether that be making my tea, fetching my moustache wax or attacking shopping centres, this inactive lifestyle has caused me to have quite the belly. There it sits, hanging over my belt like a big piece of dough. Yes, I should start doing stomach crunches or sit ups or perhaps get my slugs to bounce up and down on it but when one spends as much time as I do sitting down writing incredibly funny children's books, what else can I do? Besides, a belly makes a statement. It says, I am a writer and a creative genius and my belly is testament to that.
Well, Slugland was a bit of a waste of time. Not much was achieved there. Yes, I learnt some new cabbage recipes, learnt new techniques in how to breed, modify and train slugs, and acquired some new killer slugs that are deadly by the touch but I felt that I could've achieved much more if I had just stayed home, pricked my finger, thrown cabbages at Dieter and gotten my current crop of slugs to infiltrate Dieter's home and steal all of his tins of soup. Oh well.
Could I, the great Elias Zapple, be suffering from the oft-alluded to writer's block? As I sit here, stroking Mr Snazzy, staring at a blank page whilst Derek the Slug makes me yet another cup of herbal tea, I wonder what has happened to the words that used to pour from my fingers. Maybe I've been throwing too many cabbages at Dieter? Maybe I've been too distracted with the comings and goings of my many slugs that have filled up an already congested hallway? The next book in my collective arsenal, Nicu - The Littlest Vampire, is just waiting to be written and yet it is not. What shall I do? How can I commit word to paper? Has the blood dried up? Has Elias Zapple written his last word? Will children never get to experience a new Zapple novel ever again? Of course not! I just wrote this and I shall delight you all again!
In Maputo I am known for my love of tinned tuna.